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I write to express... not to impress.
retrospect
Thursday. 6.2.11 7:03 am
how funny how much things change within a few years.

I've done my share of maturing and growing up.. and gone through more ups and downs since I've last blogged, but wow, rereading some of these entries 4-5+ years later.. wow.

It's interesting to get back into my high school mindset. Life was simple. Drama was frivolous and usually involved Danny.

Silly silly childhood.

This isn't to say that I'm done growing, and I'm any better than I was before, but I'd like to think that my life's issues have become a little more complex and my writing style is less angsty. lol

It's past 4 AM. I haven't studied a word since 2 AM.. but I was brought back here by an argument/conversation with Danny, which caused me to want to revisit my thoughts about him from so many years ago.

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I love nutang
Wednesday. 1.30.08 2:22 am
it's been a while since i last blogged, but i must say, I LOVE NUTANG.
Seriously, what's not to love about nutang?
The community is fantastic. People aren't afraid to leave you comments and give you feedback, which is something I love. [I rarely get comments on my xanga or my other various blogs (yes, I have more than 3 blogs.. which is sort of sad..)]

I feel bad for neglecting my nutang.
The best thing is that none of my friends know that I have a nutang [or at least I don't think they know] so I'm free to rant and ramble without any fears. hehe.

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This is going to make me sound like Scrooge..
Sunday. 12.23.07 7:01 pm
but I'm really starting to despise Christmas.
Here's the thing: I'm all for "the spirit of giving," but I really hate feeling obligated to get someone a present because they're getting you a present.
I used to love Christmas and the feeling of Holiday cheer.. but over the years things have become ridiculously commercialized. People used to be happy just getting together with family and friends. Christmas used to be about enjoying yourself and the company of your loved ones. Now everything is about "what's she getting me? What should I get her?" yada yada yada.
Maybe it's my conscience, but I always feel really bad when people get me gifts and I didn't get them a gift. I know it's better to give than to receive, but still.. even if the other party is feeling all good for giving, wouldn't they also expect something in return? I hate unexpected gifts damnit!
I know I should just want to give everyone presents, but I'm soooo not made of money. Shopping pisses me off when there are a ton of people. I'm happy just receiving a little thoughtful trinket or note, so shouldn't other people?
I would freely give out Christmas gifts if: 1. I could afford it and 2. if I knew for sure what the other person wanted. I hate trying to figure out what the other person would want. I don't like to give useless gifts. I wouldn't want someone to give me some frivolous gift that would just end up collecting dust in my closet, so why should I get someone something like that?
The best part of this holiday extravaganza is the fact that Christmas is supposed to be a religious holiday isn't it? It's the day Christ was born wasn't it? Who still goes to church for Christmas mass? Who actually still cares about Jesus?
The funny thing is that I'm not even Christian and I have joined in the custom of giving people stuff on the 25th of December. What was once a religious holiday for certain people has become a day of giving out crap that usually gets returned a week or two later.
I don't know how I feel about Christmas anymore.

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Just One of Those Things
Sunday. 7.15.07 9:28 pm
Just one of those things - Meg & Dia. This song sums up so much for me.

Give me a minute
I need a second
Got to breathe there
It's Just one of those things

wish I could tell you
How much I need you
And how much you
need me to go

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

I know I made it seem
Like all was written down
And I hid all my pain
And now I bring it out

And you'll be scared at first
cuz it's such an ugly blow
I don't know which is worse
to learn or not to know

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, it's just one of those things

I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us
I tried to tell you a million times
You have always been one of us

Please don't listen
(I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us)
Please don't listen
(I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us)
Please don't listen....

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Complicated
Sunday. 7.15.07 4:42 am
What the hell happened to us? Where did we go wrong?
I don't even know where to start. Today was so weird. Maybe it's because we usually don't hang out together in a group. Usually it's just me and you. Why do things get weird when we're with other people? Where the hell do we even stand? It's all so damn complicated.
The other night you called me and asked me where my love for you has gone. I honestly don't know. Maybe I just got fed up. Maybe I'm tired of all the crap you pull. Maybe it's because I saw the pictures.
I just want to yell at you and just scream that I hate you, but in reality I'm so far from hating you. That's what probably makes this so hard for me. I don't hate you, but I hate this. I hate this ambiguity.

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Thursday. 5.31.07 1:22 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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